Humbled

Lucas turned 6 months old today. wow. where in the world did the time go? I'm stuck between this feeling of "it all went by too fast" and "I feel like he's been with us forever." Mostly it's that second thought -- that feeling that we just belong as a family and life makes more sense, feels more whole with Lucas in the world.

One of the guys at work today asked me what I thought after 6 months of being a parent.

Humbled.

That's the best way to describe motherhood.

Humbled by all that I don't know about raising a baby. Humbled by the everyday acts of having someone be completely dependent on you -- of having to give up my will, my selfishness, my "me time," my body, sleep, and comforts for the best of our baby.

Humbled by all the tears I've cried, by the brief moments of resentment, by the breakdowns I never used to have.

Humbled by the way Lucas has changed our marriage, how we've had to strive to put each other first because it's so easy to let Lucas be our center. Humbled by the fights we've had that we never used to have, but relishing the joy of watching Josh be a dad and getting to share this adventure together. I feel like we're enjoying a new depth and strength that's come as we've had to rely on each other and God more because we really don't know what we're doing.

Humbled by amazingly generous friends and church family. By all the meals that we received, by the gifts people lavished on us, by the love they show to Lucas and to our family. We couldn't have survived without all this support, and we totally don't deserve the overabundant kindness and generosity that we've been shown.

Humbled at the the great responsibility of raising our tiny baby boy to be a man of integrity who knows and loves the Lord. Just the knowledge that what we do everyday, how Josh and I respond to one another and to Lucas, what we say and how we say it, how we serve in our church and our community, how we love and give -- all of that is shaping who Lucas is and coloring his view of the world and his Creator.

Every day, every little insignificant act we go through is an example -- good or bad -- for him to learn from. wow.  

Humbled by the amount of love I've come to know and that I don't deserve. The little glimpse I get as a mother of the unconditional love that God has for us is just so humbling. My heart is so full, I sometimes feel like I could burst. And that's just a sliver of the way the Lord sees us, of the way He delights in us, the way He sings over us, the way He smiles when we come around. We're so undeserving, but He loves us anyway.

I'm humbled that the Lord entrusted us with this gift we don't deserve and honored that He'd bless us beyond what we could ever have planned for ourselves.

and all this after only 6 months:)