Surprises

Megan W. asked me the other day what I was most surprised about with motherhood. My immediate response was "Laundry!" because holy crap, this kid makes a huge mess for someone so small.

Now that I've had a little time to think about it, here are some things that have kind of taken me off guard in this whole parenting business:

The dichotomy of the emotions I feel. I was surprised that I could feel so honored and blessed to provide nourishment for my son, but, at the same time, feel so frustratingly tethered to this responsibility.

Cluster feeding. WTF?! No one told me about this. seriously. There were many tears shed in the first few days and much complaining along the lines of "he can't seriously be hungry again. he just can't." but he was.

How incredibly unprepared I was. I thought I was going to know what to expect with this whole parenting thing. I thought I had my eyes wide open going in -- after all, I have 5 nieces, one nephew and almost all of our friends have children. But I had no idea. I just had no idea how much there is to know and how silly and feeble you feel when faced with the responsibility of forming and shaping a human being.

Sleep deprivation. I find it amazing that I can still function and be slightly cognizant when I've only slept a few straight hours for weeks on end. It's amazing how much strength you have when you swear you have no more.

How much I care about poop. No seriously. Before we left the hospital, they gave us a chart of pictures of poop to look out for. We tracked his bowel movements and pees for the entire first 2 weeks of his life and discussed them frequently. I hate when moms put things on FB about poops, but I get it now -- you spend an amazing amount of time and energy focused on pooping.

Josh. He didn't have much to do with babies before ours came along. In fact, he would often refuse to hold them until they could hold their heads up. But not with Lucas. He's so hands on and willing to do anything and everything to help. He's smitten and I love it . . . I call him the baby whisperer because he can make Lucas calm down when I can't and has the unending patience that I lack. I didn't know having a baby would make me fall more in love with my husband, but I'm sure glad it has.

And of course the love. Just the amazing feeling you have when you look at the little person who you helped create. Lucas doesn't do anything at all and yet every part of me just bursts with pride and adoration when I look at our little man. I get so proud when people say he's cute and just find myself looking at him and thanking God constantly for this little blessing.